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On Balloons, Hoaxes and Media Frenzies
By Dennis Wyman on October 20, 2009 4:15 PM | Permalink | No Comments
I really hate the mainstream news media. I really do.No doubt by now, you've all heard of the story of the boy trapped in a balloon that turned out to be an elaborate hoax. The reason I say "no doubt" is the 24/7 news coverage this story has gotten over the past week. As soon as the makeshift aircraft went up in the air with a boy supposedly inside it several thousand feet in the air, a media frenzy descended upon Fort Collins, Colorado, eager to capitalize on the harrowing story of a boy on the brink of death.
So everything else was literally dropped, and "Balloon Boy" had quickly become the only footage on TV as the entirety of America was glued to their sets waiting to see Balloon Boy's craft crash and get a glimpse of the child's entrails shoveled into the back of an ambulance so they'd have something to talk about at work the next day.
Needless to say, ratings skyrocketed and fed the frenzy, and with broadcasters going as far to proclaim that it could not possibly be a hoax. In fact, when the solid balloon crashed, the only possible scenario was that the boy had somehow passed through the solid walls of the balloon and fell from it and a manhunt was organized to find his pieces. Because after all, it could not possibly be a hoax, right?
Continue reading On Balloons, Hoaxes and Media Frenzies.
Dear America: Please Shut Up About Swine Flu Already
By Dennis Wyman on September 23, 2009 6:27 PM | Permalink | 2 Comments
Granted this is kind of a late rant, but apparently people are still freaking out about swine flu.Still freaking out about swine flu.
Freaking out about the same thing we get every year, only this time it is prefixed with "swine" and I guess that somehow makes it worse despite being no more deadly or virulent than regular flu.
Because it IS regular flu. It's THE FLU. It's THE GODDAMN FLU. IT COMES AROUND LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.
Anyways, enough caps lock. The Minnesota Daily has an excellent editorial up, H1N1: A Case of Manufactured Panic Attack. And for those of you who missed it, Maddox put up a swine flu article of his own on The Best Page In The Universe. Both are worth checking out.
Continue reading Dear America: Please Shut Up About Swine Flu Already.
Ill Conceived Marriage Proposal Of The Month: Jon Cardin
By Dennis Wyman on August 20, 2009 8:15 PM | Permalink | 2 Comments
If you're from the Baltimore area, you have likely heard of this by now, as needless to say it has set off quite the firestorm of public outrage.
Jon Cardin, a member of Maryland's House of Delegates, had a glorious idea when it came to proposing to his girlfriend: Stage a police raid while they were on a date on a friend's boat.
During their little date, a horde of on-duty police officers swarmed the boat with both marine and HELICOPTER units, raiding it until they found a suspicious box, which was opened and presented to the girlfriend, engagement ring inside.
Besides the fact that these were on-duty cops, who probably would have been working elsewhere in the crime-ridden city, the Baltimore Police Department has also been facing funding issues and had recently turned to asking the public to donate money so certain programs could survive.
Jon Cardin, a member of Maryland's House of Delegates, had a glorious idea when it came to proposing to his girlfriend: Stage a police raid while they were on a date on a friend's boat.
During their little date, a horde of on-duty police officers swarmed the boat with both marine and HELICOPTER units, raiding it until they found a suspicious box, which was opened and presented to the girlfriend, engagement ring inside.
Besides the fact that these were on-duty cops, who probably would have been working elsewhere in the crime-ridden city, the Baltimore Police Department has also been facing funding issues and had recently turned to asking the public to donate money so certain programs could survive.
Continue reading Ill Conceived Marriage Proposal Of The Month: Jon Cardin.
Free Frozen Drinks? Fuck Yeah!
By Dennis Wyman on August 20, 2009 3:32 PM | Permalink | No Comments
For those of you who live in the northeast United States, you may be familiar with Cumberland Farms, a New England chain of convenience stores that have recently started sporting "Chill Zones," a giant bar of fountain soda and frozen slushy drinks in giant 32oz cups for 79 cents. (Basically picture 7-Eleven's Slurpee's only with less disgusting flavors for a lot cheaper.)Well, Chill Zone fans will be happy to know that they can get their favorite frozen beverages for free tomorrow, according to the Chill Zone Facebook page. As if 79 cents wasn't cheap enough, if you tell the cashier "Facebook" as you check out tomorrow, your Chill Zone drink is free of charge. One per customer, but that doesn't necessarily stop people from driving to the next nearest Cumberland Farms for more. (Like you lucky bastards in Torrington, CT that have easy access to three of them.)
I don't know about you guys, but I cannot wait to get me some free NRG Kick, a delicious sour fruit flavored slushy that comes loaded with caffeine, surely to come in handy as I pull an all-nighter at work after spending the day driving around western Massachusetts for free Chill Zone.
Continue reading Free Frozen Drinks? Fuck Yeah!.
Unicorn Empire Launches Assault on ESPN
By Dennis Wyman on April 27, 2009 7:01 PM | Permalink | 2 Comments
While we are unsure what is provoking the attack against the sports media conglomerate, we have just received news that the Unicorn Empire has infiltrated ESPN headquarters and has launched a full-scale assault, starting with the company's website.Parts of the battle can be seen on ESPN.com, and typing in the infamous "Konami Code" (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, for you uncultured maroons) anywhere on the screen.
Though casualty figures are currently unknown, our embedded field ops are reporting at least 400 deaths, and horn-induced injuries in the thousands.
More on this story as it develops.
(Thanks to Archdeco in the chat for the tip)
UPDATE: In a last ditch effort to protect their home turf, ESPN forces mounted a stunning defense and pushed out the Unicorn invaders, rendering the Konami Code useless. However, if we know one thing about Unicorns, it's their strong determination and their lust for the blood of the mainstream media, so you can be sure that this war isn't over quite yet. Stay tuned to VGRC for future updates on the Unicorn/ESPN War.
Continue reading Unicorn Empire Launches Assault on ESPN.
Current Earth Status: Not Destroyed
By Dennis Wyman on September 10, 2008 7:15 PM | Permalink | 1 Comment
[19:11] <UncleMeat> what's that image?[19:11] <capn|away> the large hadron collider is turned on today
[19:11] <capn|away> that image goes on our home page to alert people if the earth is destroyed
[19:11] <UncleMeat> oh I think I heard about that
[19:11] <UncleMeat> black holes or something, eh?
[19:12] <capn|away> and STRANGELETS
[19:12] <capn|away> if one strangelet touches normal matter
[19:12] <capn|away> it turns it into STRANGE MATTER
[19:12] <capn|away> and starts a chain reaction that doesnt stop until the entire earth is converted into strange matter
[19:12] <UncleMeat> sweet
[19:12] <capn|away> i know, right?
[19:13] <UncleMeat> I'd love to be officially strange
Continue reading Current Earth Status: Not Destroyed.
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