VGRC

Digging through my folder of old VGRC junk the other day, I stumbled across a handful (ok, a MOUNTAIN) of unfinished projects and article concepts that never saw the light of day, one of which included the article that you are about to read.

Dated 2006, the article has been in development hell for three years now. However, since not many snake-type characters have been introduced in gaming in the past three years, this list just as relevant and accurate as ever. So, I present to you, our list of the Top 10 Snakes in Gaming:

10 - Rope
Legend of Zelda Series

It is easy to forget these lowly creatures, easily dispatched with Link's sword. Dating clear back to the original Legend of Zelda and appearing in every major 2D iteration of the series ever since, they are one of the most commonly sighted snakes on this list, even if their demure appearance and relative lack of challenge as an enemy fails to make them memorable enough enemies for most gamers to even recognize them by name.


9 - Slippa
Donkey Kong Country (SNES)

Slippa's made their epic debut in Donkey Kong Country, and where never heard from again. We're guessing the entire species was eradicated by the Kong family, who likely got tired of them falling on top of them from cave ceilings and shooting out of oil drums. Of course, their trademark realistic hissing sound is hard to forget, brought to life by the SNES in a day when bleeps and bloops were still commonplace in gaming.

8 - Blue Snake and White Snake
Hustle (Arcade)

Fuck Snake, fuck Nibbles, fuck Rattler Race. While you may be a fan of such games, most of you are probably blissfully unaware that none of them are original. Hustle was one of the very first "Snake" games, but sadly, Hustle, and its iconic pair of snakes, just never seems to get credit for this landmark spinoff-spawning event in gaming history.

7 - Coily
Q*Bert (Arcade)

Anybody with a taste for classic games or who was alive in the eighties has surely heard of Q*Bert, who for a time ranked up with Pac-Man and Donkey Kong as one of the most popular and most merchandised arcade properties. And anybody who has played Q*Bert will surely remember Coily, Q*Bert's main nemesis. This fucker would stalk you all over the playing field, just waiting to pounce on and kill you. And when he did get you (over and over again) you were left in front of the cabinet cursing, just like little Q*Bert.

6 - Yawn
Resident Evil (PSX)

Imagine a gigantic poisonous snake, large enough to swallow a human being whole. Now imagine that this snake is infected with the T-Virus and it stalking you throughout a dark, monster-filled mansion, with you consistently low on ammunition and the odds for survival stacked well against you, and it becomes no surprise to you why Resident Evil is commonly regarded as the game that defined the survival horror genre.

5 - Midgar Zolom
Final Fantasy VII (PSX)

However, in terms of general fearsomeness, Yawn doesn't even begin to compare to the Midgar Zolom, the swamp-dwelling beast snake from Final Fantasy VII. Bigger than a tree, the Zolom's physical attacks alone are enough to take down a party member in one shot. It also gets bonus points for being based on Norse mythology.

4 - Solid Snake
Metal Gear Series

So what if he isn't really a snake? Do we really have to be that technical about it? Regardless of what actual species Solid Snake actually belongs to, he still embodies all that it means to be a snake; sneaking around, taking things slow, stalking enemies, and generally just being badass in general. It just so happens that he can also fire guns and set off explosives, and I guarantee you that if actual snakes had hands and opposable thumbs they would do the same thing.

3 - Ekans/Arbok
Pokemon Series

"Arrrrbok!" Most well known as Jesse's main Pokemon from the anime TV series, it would be a crime not to include Arbok (as well as its pre-evolved form, Ekans) in this list. And while we could've placed some other snake Pokemon on this list, in all honesty, fuck that. You weren't cool unless you were part of the original 150.

2 - Tryclyde
Super Mario Bros. 2 (NES)

How does one make a snake more awesome? By giving it three heads and the ability to shoot balls of fire at you. And that is exactly what Nintendo did with Doki Doki Panic. And even when the game was shifted to Super Mario Bros. 2 for American audiences, Nintendo wisely kept this moderately-challenging end of level boss in the game.

1 - Rattly the Rattlesnake
Donkey Kong Country 2 (SNES)

And last but not least on our list is Rattly the Rattlesnake, one of the Kong family allies from Donkey Kong Country 2. If you happened to come across him, Diddy and Dixie Kong could ride on his coil-shaped body like a spring, propelling them to high areas. Picture the joy and jubilation of hopping across the topsails of a pirate ship on a giant snake with a giant grin, and you have an accurate description of the sheer fun that was the second entry in the Donkey Kong Country series. Plus, with Rattly as your steed, you could finally jump on those giant bees to destroy them.

Sadly enough, DKC2 (and its Game Boy version, Donkey Kong Land 2) was the only game in which one of the Kong's most memorable animal buddies made an appearance, leading us to demand to Nintendo that when they finally get around to making a real 2D follow-up to the Donkey Kong Country series (and no, this Jungle Beat and King of Swing crap doesn't count) that Rattly better be in there, in all his springy glory.