VGRC

Hello kids. I work about an hour away from where I live. This means I spend two hours of my day, 5-6 days a week, driving my little Thunderbird on the road. This puts me in contact with hundreds of other drivers every day. This also infuriates me to no end because god damn, there are a lot of bad drivers out there.

What does driving have to do with video games? Beats the hell out of me, but as a lot of you are either 1) just starting to drive or 2) going to be driving soon or possibly even 3) long time drivers, I have compiled a list of useful tips to keep in mind.


Learn When To Shut Off Your Goddamned High Beams You Assholes

This is probably the biggest source of my road rage, because unlike all the other items on the list, this one literally blinds me and I can't see where the fuck I'm going. Here's a tip: If you're driving at night, shut off your high beams when you're around other cars, and not just for traffic going the other way. I can't count how many times some asshole has followed me with their high beams on, illuminating the entire inside of my car and reflecting headlights off of all three of my mirrors into my face. Why are your high beams necessary? You have another vehicle directly in front of you with their own headlights going too, your regular headlights are all that's necessary. If you still can't see, then quit driving at night.


You Have Turn Signals for a Reason

You know what I love? When somebody on the highway wants to merge lanes, and just does it without any prior warning. This is especially fun when traffic is moving at 75mph and you have to hit your brakes because suddenly there's a car in front of you that wasn't there seconds prior. Or when you're waiting to pull out of a busy intersection, and the car you sat waiting to pass because you didn't want to pull in front of them turns where you're pulling out of. You had an opening and didn't even know it because turn signals are apparently for chumps. No, turn signals are common fucking courtesy and if you don't use them then you are a king among douchebags, asshole.


How to Cause Multi-car Pileups

The highway can be a fun place to drive and a way to quickly pass huge distances of land. It can also be a source of lots of rage when the people around you don't know how to change lanes. Here's a tip: Leave some fucking room around you, don't merge into the next lane when you have maybe 3 inches of space between you and the car you're merging in front of. I didn't get this a lot when I used to drive my F-150 (people are apparently more hesitant to try this shit against larger vehicles) but ever since I put my Thunderbird on the road, this happens frighteningly often. On the flip-side is the people who won't let YOU change lanes. I mean the people that the second you put your turn signal on, they all of a sudden speed up to keep you from getting in front of them. Especially fun in situations where you're trying to get in an exit lane.


Stay Out of the Left Fucking Lane

On most American highways, the far left lane is for people who 1) are driving really fast or 2) for passing out cars in the right lanes. Not for putting it in cruise control at 45mph and sitting in it, blocking up the highway for miles as people have to shift into the right lanes to get around your douchebag ass.